can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
