It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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