my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So much rum. So many feels.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
