she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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