I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
