so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
