we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
