Dual....:-)
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
