Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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