i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
