I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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