Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
