Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
