So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
