Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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