Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
