He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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