u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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