Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
