How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
