Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
