When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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