That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
