Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
