I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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