she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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