WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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