the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
