I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
