someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
