Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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