Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
