I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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