I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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