My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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