i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
