Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
