i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
