sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
