3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
