'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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