She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
