Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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