I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
