I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
