just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
