i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
