he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
