I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
