dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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